Nearly 4 million unmarried couples cohabitate, according to U.S. Census data, a trend that is likely to increase the divorce rate (already at 50 percent), since the risk of divorce for couples who live together before marriage is 80 percent higher than for couples who don’t.
“Marriages following cohabitation are almost inevitably doomed,” said psychologist Willard F. Harley. In his recent book, “Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders: Turning Revolving-Door Romance into Lasting Love,” he shows how to avoid the pitfalls of “renter” relationships and build a “buyer” relationship that’s worth investing in.
Couples who live together before marriage develop the habit of what Harley calls a “rental agreement,” or a lease to continue the relationship on a trial basis.
“With the introduction of complex problems, such as child-rearing, marriages based on a `renter’ agreement fall apart,” he said.
According to Harley, a “buyer” is willing to demonstrate a high level of care; a “renter” is willing to provide limited care as long as it’s in his or her best interest; and a “freeloader” is unwilling to put in much effort at all
