One such reader, whose question first ran in 2021, provided an “update,” published in 2023.

He and I have continued to correspond, and I’m happy to share an update to his update, as a reminder – to all of us – that time plus wisdom can bring on a (mostly) happy ending.

Below is the original question and my answer (edited for length). The updates follow.

Dear Amy: I am 58 years old. I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s two years ago. My friends all know about my diagnosis.

My sister and I had been estranged for almost a decade. Two years ago, I realized that our disagreements were water under the bridge, and we re-established a relationship. She lives several states away.

I have never disclosed my diagnosis to her.

I don’t want my sister to think that I reconciled with her because of my illness.

I did that because I love her, and not because I am staring into the face of my own mortality.

Upon learning this news, I know that she will fly into stress mode — that is who she is.

Also, because she is my “big sister” I also know that she will go into: “I’ll take care of you” mode (again, it is her nature), which is not what I need or want.

On the other hand, I don’t want her to feel betrayed when she inevitably learns about my illness.

Right now, I am able to hide my symptoms well.

When the day comes when this is not the case, I plan on telling her (and her children).

I am extremely torn as to whether I am making the right decision.

Am I?

– Torn

Dear Torn: You have the right to control your own health information – for whatever reason you choose.

You seem to be protecting yourself from the stress of your sister’s anticipated reaction, but I want to remind you that people do not always react in expected ways.

Now that your relationship with her is on a better footing, you might be closer to breaking this news to her.

The timing of your diagnosis and the reconnection with your sister does seem more than coincidental, and, in my opinion, awareness of your own mortality is the best reason in the world to reconnect.

Update from “Torn” (2023)

Dear Amy: This is a strange slow-motion disease for which you have to keep a healthy balance between keeping hope that there may be a medical solution, and embracing reality.

My experience with my sister illustrates what you often discuss in your column: that we shouldn’t rely on our assumptions.

Long story short, I kept my diagnosis private from my sister until a Thanksgiving weekend family conversation, during which out of the blue someone raised the issue of whether our family is vulnerable to the disease because of our medical history.

At that point I told the family.

I feared my sister would go into over-protective, over-involved mode. Bizarrely, the opposite happened. None of the family said anything other than a few value-neutral questions, like, “When did you find out?”

It was such a stereotypical WASPy family reaction (which we are).

I’m not angry or upset – just baffled. As we got into the car to leave the dinner, my partner turned to me and said, “Well, that was weird.”

After that, we have never discussed the topic again (and it’s going on a year since the conversation).

Several months later I tried to broach the bizarre family reaction with my sister in a joking manner, and she quickly changed the subject.

Nevertheless, our relationship continues to strengthen, so I count my blessings.

Go figure!

– Torn

Dear Torn: Go figure, indeed. I hope you’ll keep in touch.

Dear Amy (2024): I have always treasured your concern and responses to me.

This year my neurologists have expressed astonishment that I have not deteriorated quicker than expected (they used much kinder terminology).

I remain indebted to them, and I continue to live the best life that I can.

My sister and I are closer than we have ever been, and I am so grateful, but also embarrassed by whatever motivated me to participate in our long-ago and long-lasting estrangement in the first place.

Dear Torn: Your story is powered by its own particular grace; it is also a lesson in how letting go can lead to reconciliation. I know we’ll keep in touch.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

Our daughter and son-in-law live with us in the downstairs den and bedroom (they use that bathroom). They are employed.

Our daughter is a college graduate and has been married to our son-in-law for 12 years. They don’t have children.

Our daughter is looked upon as the smart one in the family, but she isn’t always respectful or helpful to us as her parents.

In recent years her behavior has gotten worse.

She says I have no boundaries, when in reality I am just trying to be patient with her until she matures more (she is 32).

I (of course) always correct her when she is wrong, which she resents. Then she insults me and curses at me.

It seems like I can’t win!

How do I get the point across that we have the right to be treated respectfully in our own home?

I am very frustrated with her and have been looking to sell our home due to this tension. I’m thinking about buying another and they can either buy ours (if they can afford it) or find somewhere else to live.

– Upstairs Mom in Tennessee

Dear Upstairs Mom: I gather that your daughter and son-in-law share (or have use of) your kitchen, dining, and possibly laundry areas in the upstairs part of your home.

If that is the case, then no – you have no physical boundaries. It is hard to have boundaries when you are sharing a house.

If you are (“of course”) correcting your 32-year-old daughter when she is “wrong,” and are waiting for this fully-grown daughter to “mature more,” then it seems that you also have no – or low – personal boundaries.

Her rude and crude responses to you are inappropriate, but you seem like someone who might not take a hint. Escalating might be her way of trying to get you to back off.

It’s your house. If you don’t like the way your housemates treat you, then it is time for them to go. Evicting this couple (if they don’t want to leave) might be tricky, and so if you are planning to sell the house anyway, this currently hot market might be a great time to do it.

I don’t suggest trying to sell your home to them; it might be best for your relationship if these basement-moochers start out fresh, on their own.

Dear Amy: I’m a 29-year-old man. My wife and I have been together for six years. We got married three years ago with a wonderful wedding that included all of our family and friends.

Our wedding is just about the last truly happy memory I have from our relationship.

My wife and I do not get along, and I can’t really figure out why. We both like our jobs and we have a nice apartment. We share expenses and household chores.

I feel like she is just always unhappy. I can’t seem to please her. Sometimes I dread coming home from work, because I’m never sure about what will greet me. I’ve started fantasizing about leaving the marriage, and that makes me feel absolutely terrible.

I’m reaching out for some guidance. I need a fresh perspective about what I should do.

– Worried and Wondering

Dear Worried: You don’t mention having any conversations about whether to have children, but my first suggestion is that you should not have kids until you arrive at some resolution about your relationship.

You two should pursue professional counseling immediately.

You should broach this by sitting down with your wife and laying it all on the line. Use “I statements” and stick to describing your own feelings: “I walk on eggshells at home. I feel sad and lonely. I’m worried about our future.”

Please, take a deep breath, stay calm, and do your best to create a lot of space for your wife to respond to you. You are seeking insight, not another fight.

Dear Amy: The question from “Frustrated Neighbor” hit home. This very ungenerous person was complaining about the unkempt state of their neighbor’s home and yard.

Well, I was once that neighbor with the unkempt property. I was struggling with treatment for cancer, while being a mom to three kids.

My neighbor complained – via a note – but never offered to help.

– Survivor

Dear Survivor: We never know what is going on in someone else’s life – unless we ask.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

The relationship faded out. After a few months, I drunkenly texted him and he responded by asking if I wanted to be friends with benefits.

We started hanging out again and we had sex a few times, but there was no romance or spark whatsoever. No charm, no jokes, no fun and no cuddling.

Afterwards he would abruptly leave.

It was like he was a completely different person.

I felt like a human being when we were hanging out, and like an object when we were having sex.

I started making excuses not to have sex (our dates were still great), but he kept hinting.

Then he suddenly moved out of the country. He’d been planning this, but hadn’t told me.

After a year away, he came for a visit and asked to stay with me for three weeks. He made many blunt requests for sexual acts via texts, even though I’d been saying I wasn’t really interested.

While he was staying with me, he slept in my bed without asking. I was so uncomfortable, I decided to sleep on the couch.

On the third night we were drinking, and I gave in. I felt terrible afterward.

I finally asked him to find another place to stay. He left. We have not been in touch at all since then.

I miss the friendship. I miss the possibility of romance (it seemed like it should have worked as a relationship), even though a relationship never happened.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about him, and I’m considering reaching out again. I feel terrible about how it ended, but it doesn’t sound like there’s any point, does there? I can’t see how it would be any different.

I’d like a second opinion.

– J

Dear J: You have described a series of creepy sexual encounters with a man who is a Dr. Jekyll in friendship, and a Mr. Hyde in bed. The last encounter was an assault (you were drunk when you “gave in” to his coercion).

This sexual objectification has made you so uncomfortable over the years that you have deliberately kept your distance. And why? Because he is a creep, and because you have self-respect and don’t want to be treated like an object.

I could speculate about why he behaves this way, but the reasons don’t matter.

You do matter.

I’d remind you that many people who are dangerous, deviant, or merely skeevy can lead seemingly ideal double lives outside of their obsessions or fetishes. And the people closest to them are often the last to know.

You want the benefit of a genuine and authentic romance and relationship; he wants something else entirely.

You’ve asked for a second opinion. Mine is that you should remove the temptation to drunk-text him by blocking all contact. Steer clear.

Dear Amy: I’m the mother of two adults.

My daughter has my only two grandchildren.

I moved to another state after retirement for about six years and during those six years I traveled back for every holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc.

I recently moved back and it’s TOTALLY different.

My daughter favors her in-laws. She has allowed the kids to call my brother and his wife “grandparents.”

I don’t get invited to “hang out” with her, “the in-laws” and “the grandparents.” I feel replaced.

How can I address this without destroying what little relationship I have?

– Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: I suggest that you stay calm and take this in careful stages.

In-between special occasions, your daughter’s family has chugged along according to a basic pattern. You are going to have to look for ways to integrate into their lives.

Setting aside the choice to refer to your brother and his wife as “grandparents,” (what’s with that?), I suggest that you should invite the whole family (including in-laws) for a barbecue or meal in your new home.

Also, share your concern with your daughter: “I feel like I’m struggling here. Can you help me find ways to spend more time with the family?”

Dear Amy: I’m enjoying some of the “rerun” columns you are featuring lately. These columns remind me of how consistent and funny you’ve been through the years. Thank you for the entertainment!

– A Fan

Dear Fan: To be candid, they haven’t all been winners. I am cherry-picking some of my favorites.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

Others are quite able but unwilling due to choosing not to work, refusing to pay child support, or falling out over the years.

I have agreed to directly deposit a certain amount of money into her account every month, but she consistently asks for more.

I’ve suggested she reach out to the others instead of solely relying on me, but she appears to make little effort.

I am giving her what I can without wrecking my own financial plans.

Do you have any suggestions about how to say “No” to further requests without seeming heartless?

I’m finding it difficult to refuse, but I’m feeling angry and taken advantage of, not only by my aunt, but by the others standing by and not helping.

– Nurturing Niece

Dear Niece: I assume that your concern about the child your aunt is raising is an important part of your motivation to extend ongoing generosity. I agree with your instinct to continue to protect yourself; this is vital.

You don’t mention details about your aunt’s work status or spending habits, but you should determine whether she is sending some of your funds out the door to deadbeat relatives.

One way to respond when she asks for more funds would be: “Tell me – what else are you doing to raise this money?” Be completely straightforward: “This is the limit to what I can give.”

Help her to explore and apply for jobs and social services.

Dear Readers: As I announced previously, my final “Ask Amy” column in this space will run on June 30. (Readers will be able to find me through my newsletter and at amydickinson.com.)

Until then, I’ll occasionally open my files and rerun some previously published Q&As. The following is from 2021.

Dear Amy: Is the male “midlife crisis” a real thing?

After 20 years of marriage, my “pillar of the community” husband started acting strangely.

He started dressing young, going to bars, and then quit sleeping at night.

When I found out he had an affair, I blew up and he took off with the young barfly. Our grown daughters and I are hurt and sad that our family life seems over. I thought we had a great marriage and family.

Do these men ever come home?

I can easily forgive him and go to counseling to get back on track.

We had made all kinds of retirement plans before this happened.

In addition to being a husband and father, he is my best friend, too.

– Don’t Know What to Do

Dear Don’t Know: Midlife crises are not confined to men. And while these changes can seem very sudden, this is a panicked response to the existential crisis brought on by the realization that one’s life is more than half over.

When the “crisis” moment arrives (sometimes prompted by a death in the family, a landmark birthday, children about to leave the nest, or job frustration), a person at midlife looks around, sings the old Peggy Lee song, “Is That All There Is?,” and decides that a pumped-up body, a younger partner, or a new toy in the garage will fix everything.

To quote a moment from one of my favorite movies, “Moonstruck,” the wise wife looks at her philandering husband and declares: “Cosmo, I just want you to know that – no matter what you do, you’re going to die, just like everybody else.”

Yes, sometimes people who leave in the throes of a midlife crisis do come back. Sometimes, their partner no longer wants them.

But rather than concentrate your energy on your husband’s behavior and choices, I hope you will take a long look at your own life. Deal with your grief and the profound loss and change. Yes, cope with your anger and give yourself the release of forgiving him if you can. Understand that his behavior does not negate the happiness of the 20-year family-building phase of your own life. Quoting Peggy Lee again: “If that’s all there is, my friend, then let’s keep dancing…” I hope you will choose to “dance” again.

Dear Amy: “Friendless” lives in a rural area, has a young child, and is looking to make friends.

She needs to head to her closest public library.

– Been There

Dear Been There: All roads worth traveling lead to the library.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

It was only by accident that I discovered that he had taken his own life. He had a troubled life. It seems he never really felt at home in the world. When he was a teenager, the father with whom he already had a difficult relationship died in tragic circumstances, and I get the impression that this had an impact on his decision to take his own life.

Everyone who knew this young man is either gone or getting older. My grandmother (his mother) died about 10 years ago. We found his school books and other personal items among her belongings.

My question is: What does somebody do with these personal effects? This man lived for not much more than two decades. He did not have any children.

Surely, there should be some way of memorializing his short life?

It seems dreadful to simply throw these items in the trash. Is there some way of saying that this person existed and that their life mattered?

– Niece in Oregon

Dear Niece: This is an intriguing – and poignant – question.

I suggest that if it is possible you might try to sketch an oral history from any family members who might remember more of the fullness of your uncle’s life. You might then be able to prepare a narrative (with photos of some of these objects), and consider posting it as an online memorial.

Allianceofhope.org is an online site for survivors of suicide loss. Their “memorial wall,” which features photos of people who have died by suicide – along with inspiring quotes – is deeply moving. Scrolling through the hundreds of beautiful photos reminds those of us who have lost a family member or friend to suicide how important it is to recognize and remember our loved one’s life, and not only their death.

Dear Readers: Before my departure at the end of June, I’m opening my files and revisiting some previous Q&As. The following was first published in 2021.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 40 years.

We have two daughters in their 30’s.

I happily was a stay-at-home mom, and my husband was a busy physician. Although busy, he and I never missed a sporting or school event that our daughters participated in.

We traveled, gave them every opportunity in life, and they had a wonderful childhood.

Or so we thought.

My youngest informed me last night that she had some “childhood trauma” (she couldn’t give me an example) that she is going into therapy for.

She also informed me that her older sister told her that she had a horrible childhood.

My oldest has in the past been very disrespectful and dismissive of both my husband and me. She has never provided a reason for her attitude.

She is mother to our only grandchildren, whom we adore.

Could her father and I have gotten it so wrong?

I’m beyond devastated. Thoughts?

– Totally Confused Mom

Dear Mom: Something seems to be amiss in your ideal family, but your angry daughters are not ready – or willing – to illuminate things for you.

You say the daughter who reports childhood trauma cannot give you an example of what she is referring to.

I say that she is not ready. This could be because you and your husband have a habit of denying problems, explaining things away, or glossing things over.

Your other daughter is disrespectful and dismissive, but refuses to explain why.

You are expecting both daughters to explain themselves to you, but they might lack the words, or the wherewithal, to pierce your family’s beautiful façade in order to describe their own experiences and feelings.

They might have had a traumatic experience with a neighbor, a family member, or kids at school. They might have felt afraid, lonely, or harshly judged.

Parents need to make sure that their children understand that they can fail, and fall, and have problems – because that’s what it means to be human.

This is a humbling experience for you. I suggest that you start framing your concern toward them, personally – versus the impact on you – and offer to enter therapy with each, as soon as they are ready.

Dear Readers: R. Eric Thomas’ will debut his “Asking Eric” column soon.

You can help Eric get started by sending your questions to eric@askingeric.com.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

The following Q&A is an example of a prank question that savvy readers enjoyed so much that it went viral. Honestly, I don’t know how I missed this obvious nod to a beloved sitcom, but I did.

I hope you enjoy this reprise of one of my favorite humiliations.

Dear Amy: I recently ran into a famous local sports figure at my gym.

I didn’t want to bother him, but much to my surprise he approached me. Turns out he knew me from my profession. He asked if I wanted to go out for coffee, and we exchanged numbers. A few days later we had coffee, and I thought it was pretty cool that he considered us friends.

Then everything changed. He told me he was interested in taking out a woman we ran into. She is my ex-girlfriend and we’ve remained good friends. He asked me a couple of times if I wouldn’t mind if he asked her out. I reluctantly said no. I made plans with him, and then after talking to my ex I found out that he ditched our plans to go out with her.

The next day he called me and asked if I could help him move some furniture. I barely know the guy, next thing he will be asking me to drive him to the airport. Two friends of mine warned me not to trust this guy. What’s the deal — am I being too rash or should I dump the guy as a friend? — – Feeling Foolish

And here is Amy’s response:

Dear Foolish: The good news here is that you won’t have to dump the guy as a friend because he is not a friend. He’s an opportunist who just keeps asking you for stuff. I suspect that when you turn down his generous offer to let you move furniture for him, you’ll likely never hear from him again.

Dear Amy: I would like an objective opinion on a situation I haven’t faced before.

A while ago, we met and became good friends with a couple our age.

We then introduced these friends to some of our family members that we socialize with regularly.

We’ve noticed that in recent months our family members have started socializing with our friends – without us.

I mentioned this and asked my family members about it.

They said that this happened accidentally.

I felt so silly and tried to ignore it. However, then I noticed when I scrolled through social media that it was happening more and more at planned events that we were not invited to join.

I commented on social media that we would have enjoyed being included and was promptly blocked.

It hurts, but what hurts worse is that this same family member also blocked my young adult kids, who were hurt by it as well.

I’d like advice about where to go from here.

I’ve thought about asking the family member why she would do this but I don’t want to start a bunch of family drama.

Suggestions?

– Excluded

Dear Excluded: First, a word about “blocking.”

A block on social media because of a resolvable issue is like throwing a hip-check when a conversation might do wonders. In my opinion, blocking over non-emergency issues (like this) has actually caused more serious problems than it attempts to solve.

Unless there is much more you aren’t revealing, the choice of your family member to then go through and apply this block to your children is ridiculous and just flat-out rude.

I need to add, however, that your own choice to lay open your own obviously hurt feelings on social media though your comment (where many others could see it), was also unfortunate.

I’m not blaming you for having these feelings, but Facebook is not generally a good place to reveal your vulnerability, especially to people who are both reactive and rude.

Dear Amy: “Perplexed” reported that she enjoys dining alone at her neighborhood bar and restaurant, but that she is often intruded upon by men who want to join her.

I have had the exact same experience. Like Perplexed, a man actually sat down at my two-top in an attempt to join me for dinner.

I’ve learned to place my jacket on the opposite chair.

– Dining Solo

Dear Dining Solo: Great solution – but I wish it weren’t necessary.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

Dear Amy: During the height of the pandemic last year, each of my (divorced) parents died suddenly, two months apart.

As a result, I was left with two difficult estates to wade through on my own.

My childhood girlfriend has only seen me once in seven-and-a-half months, even though she is well aware that I have no help from siblings or immediate family.

I feel very hurt that she believes that “praying for me” is enough.

In my time of need, shouldn’t she be expected to do something practical?

– Wondering

Dear Wondering: This is such a tough situation, and I’m so sorry you are experiencing it.

Yes, good friends should have a reasonable expectation of assistance when times are tough. And yes, good friends sometimes let each other down.

However, you don’t mention actually asking for help. If there is a job you believe your friend might be well-suited for – for instance, driving boxes to the donation center – ask her.

I have come to understand that unless people have personally faced this sort of challenge themselves, they don’t have any idea of how physically exhausting and upsetting it is to clear out parents’ homes.

Years ago, after dealing with this myself, I ran into an old friend from high school; her truck was piled high with her late-father’s belongings. We both stood in a snowy parking lot and traded teary stories about how hard this aspect of loss had been. And we agreed that until we had actually had the experience of clearing out households after a death in the family, we’d had no idea how lonely and overwhelming it would be.

If you are simply overwhelmed by the enormity of the entire task, you could ask your friend: “Can you come over to my mom’s house for a few hours on Saturday and keep me company while I sort through some of her things? I’m really struggling and could use a hand. I’ll bring the donuts.”

Dear Amy: It has been two years since you responded to my question.

When I wrote to you, I was focused on the exhaustion of dealing with everything on my own after my parents’ death. I was pained that during my time of need my childhood friend did not offer to help.

I was touched by your response. Your acknowledgement of my pain and sadness disposing of my parent’s things, as well as the loss of my childhood home, was a balm to my grief-stricken soul.

Thank you for reminding the world that the pain of death continues with packing the first box.

– Tammie

Dear Tammie: I hope that your question (and thoughtful update) will continue to inspire people to offer more than “thoughts and prayers” in response to a loss like yours. In addition to expressions of concern and sympathy, sometimes a grieving person also needs … a little muscle – and the use of a pickup truck.

Dear Amy: I was taught that family does not give bridal or baby showers for family members.

The reasoning is that it appears they are begging for gifts for their family.

What is your opinion about this?

– Proper

Dear Proper: Sigh. In my opinion, that ship has sailed – for many very good and practical reasons having to do with living in the modern world.

Single women have babies. Women in the military have babies. Astronauts have babies. Pregnant women don’t always have the kind of traditional friendship support that would accommodate the sort of event you seem to prefer.

Keep in mind that any guest has the power to simply not attend any event they don’t want to go to.

But attending and sitting in judgment is (still) bad manners. That will never change.

Dear Readers: Before I show myself out at the end of June, I’m delighted to make way for your newest advice-giver: R. Eric Thomas, whose “Asking Eric” column will continue to foster the engaging relationship we’ve shared. Eric is young, smart, and a talented advice-giver – formerly of the Dear Prudence column.

You can help Eric get started by sending your questions to eric@askingeric.com.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

I thought this was great; we have enjoyed doing things together without alcohol.

A couple of times I suspected she had been drinking.

Last summer I took my suspicions to her sister-in-law, “Bea,” who is also a friend.

Bea confided that Kim is in group therapy for drinking, but that she went on a bender and got her second DUI.

I was asked to keep this confidential, and so I decided to act oblivious around Kim.

This month, Kim’s lies got bigger. When she did not return any of my text messages I again reached out to Bea. I was told that Kim had to spend 30 days in jail for her drinking episode.

Kim texted me within hours of being released, saying she had to care for her ailing dad out of town.

Because I was asked to keep this information confidential, I again chose to go along with Kim’s lies.

Now she has informed me that she needs a ride each time we are together.

Kim has obviously lost her driver’s license but made up a lame reason for needing rides.

I completely understand why she would not want people to know, but I am caught in the crosshairs of her lies.

She is a beautiful person with an ugly disease, and it has to be a heavy burden to be hiding behind all those lies on top of trying to stay sober.

I want to let Kim know that she has no need to lie to me anymore.

She will not lose my friendship, and more importantly I would be happy to help her through this difficult time. It is not the drinking problem that bothers me. It’s the lying.

However, I do not want to go back on my word with Bea, who has asked me to keep quiet.

If I approach Kim, it will be obvious the only way I found out was from her family member.

Advice on how to proceed without making matters worse?

– Worried Friend

Dear Worried: “Kim” has been lying to you. And you have been lying to her.

You’ve trapped yourself by approaching a third party and then agreeing to keep this quiet.

Try a version of this: “Kim, I haven’t been completely honest with you. I’ve suspected that you’ve relapsed a couple of times and I want you to know that if that’s true, you can tell me the truth and count on my support. I know this is a really tough disease. No judgment from me. I will always support you in every way I can.”

If she continues to deny her drinking, don’t push. Being honest about her drinking will be a big part of supporting her sobriety, but she might not be there, yet.

Dear Amy: I am a relatively healthy 81-year-old retired university professor.

I hike over eight miles per day. I am happily married with one daughter and two grandchildren.

Unfortunately, I was recently diagnosed with preliminary Alzheimer’s disease. I’ve told my wife and daughter about this, but no one else.

I am fully aware of my memory problems, but they are not yet obvious to others. When I meet someone and they say, “Hello, Sam. How are you?” I say. “Fine. And you?”

I almost never know their name instantly. I presume I will get worse with time. How do I handle revealing the underlying diagnosis to folks as time passes?

– Call Me Sam

Dear Call Me Sam: There is no sturdy protocol for how to handle revealing your diagnosis, but I suggest that you should do this only at a time that feels right for you, and in a way that reflects your strong intellect, healthy body, and stout character.

Today I’m remembering my late and great Aunt Jean, who disclosed her diagnosis to family members all at once during our weekly diner breakfast, and she did so in a completely straightforward and good-humored way. Her candor completely opened the door, setting the tone for many honest and funny conversations well into the future.

Dear Amy: You offered such helpful suggestions to “Friendless,” a middle-aged mom who was looking to make friends.

I’d like to add “Bumble BFF” as a great way to match online with potential friends.

– Worked for Me

Dear Worked for Me: Yes! I appreciate that the popular dating app found a way to promote platonic matches.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

She refuses to see a therapist and sees drugs as a crutch. She has always been a very private person, is generally distrustful of doctors, and would never let down her shields to a stranger.

I have told her that I am not a therapist, but she has lately begun to confide in me about things that, even as an adult, I shouldn’t be hearing.

Depression runs in the family. I have seen a therapist in the past and am on medication, so I understand and empathize, but it’s getting to the point where I dread seeing her, and yet I know that I’m her only lifeline.

How do I help her?

– Worried

Dear Worried: People sometimes start to reveal long-repressed or suppressed trauma very late in life, when – for a variety of reasons (medical, emotional, and cognitive) – their defenses are down. Studies of WWII survivors have shown that the strong and stoic “Greatest Generation” have experienced nightmares, remembered traumatic events and suffered from depression very late in life.

Quoting from one study: “In aging individuals, the classical symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may not be manifest, yet considerable distress may occur in the face of re-awakened memories of traumatic experiences.”

Therapy helps. Medication helps. And yet many elders are resistant to the idea of treatment in the ways your mother is.

My first suggestion is that you should resume in-person (or telehealth) therapy right away, in order to process this burden, which is a trigger for you.

I urge you to seek healthy ways to be open and present for your mother, while resisting the temptation to try to provide answers or your own brand of therapy for her.

Being in the moment with her is a special and challenging kind of witnessing. You stroke her hand. You say, “Mom, I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.” You sit quietly, and if you’re able, you stay quietly in the moment with her, letting her speak.

I wonder if you might be able to urge your mother toward treatment by asking her if she would consider doing this “for” or with you.

A good and competent therapist helps their client transition from being a stranger – to a trusted and helpful ally.

Dear Amy: I got married (at 30) to a man who had two children.

The girl was seven, the boy was two.

We were together for 16 years before divorcing, and although I have a close bond to the now 53-year-old former step-daughter, I have never been successful in having a bond with the son.

Now, 30 years after my divorce from his father, I received an invitation to his daughter’s high school graduation party.

I am flummoxed and am unsure about how to respond to this gesture.

I do not know this young woman and have never been included in their lives.

Should I just send a nice card?

– On the Fence

Dear On the Fence: Yes, just send a nice card. There is never a downside to sending a nice card.

In the far corners of your personal universe, someone, somewhere, suggested that this young woman should reach out to you to invite you to her graduation party.

The graduate’s aunt (the former step-daughter you’ve stayed close to) might have encouraged her brother and his daughter to make an effort to get to know you a little bit.

Some people might accuse this girl of “trolling for gifts,” but my theory is that the high school graduation celebration is often the first party young people have inviting privileges to which includes a wider circle than their immediate friends – and they tend to cast a wide and sometimes awkward net.

Dear Amy: “Sad Future Bride” had no men in her life to walk her down the aisle and her mother didn’t want to do it, either.

My niece was recently wed. She was an older bride marrying for the second time and I was pleased to see their processional. She entered alone, moving slowly down the aisle with her eyes on her groom who waited for her at the half-way point. There they joined hands and continued together to the front.

I thought about the symbolism of their entry: two people alone, meeting halfway, and traveling the rest of the way together. Sounds like the definition of a marriage, doesn’t it?

– Wedding Witness

Dear Witness: This is great. I hope it catches on.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

For instance, let’s say I’m at work and someone walks past my desk several times, carrying a big box each time.

Assuming that carrying the big box is part of their job, do I stop doing MY job to offer my assistance, just because it is the polite thing to do?

Or since the person obviously sees me each time, would the onus be on them to actually ask for help if they truly needed it? (I would gladly help, by the way.)

If I purposely look for it, I see lots of people throughout my day potentially in need of assistance (loading groceries into their car, reaching for something on a high shelf, etc).

But without them requesting help, I feel like I could be spending my days constantly helping others with their daily lives as opposed to doing the things I need to do for myself.

Is it my responsibility in polite society to assume that people in need are too shy to ask for help, and therefore I should always be offering it?

If I need help, I ask!

I know every case is different, but I’m kinda looking for a default position.

“If you want my help, just ask!”

– Passively Helpful Guy

Dear Helpful: If you are using a defibrillator to jump-start someone’s heart when a big-box-bearing colleague walks past, then by all means – carry on with what you’re doing.

If you’re staring into space, pondering the perfect salutation for that next email (hmmm, ‘Hi There’ or ‘Dear Friend’?) and someone’s passing by carrying a big box, then I think you should make eye contact and ask, “Can I give you a hand with that?”

The way you frame this dilemma, you seem to believe that if you pay too close attention, you could spend your days leaping up to help strangers.

OK! Sounds good – and Amen to you.

Unlike you, not enough people ask for help when they need it.

So yes, you should be the person who offers to fetch something off a high shelf, offers to hold the door for a parent pushing a stroller, or offers to help if someone seems to be struggling to carry a box across your field of vision.

Let this be your “default” position.

In my opinion, asking for help is an extremely important act. In addition to possibly receiving assistance, the person asking for help also grants a nice guy like you the opportunity to offer it.

Dear Amy: My son “Aaron” is six years old.

Aaron’s grandmother “Omi” is deceased, and his grandfather has remarried a woman Aaron always previously addressed as “Miss Helen.”

I’m wondering: Is it OK to force a child to address a step-grandma as “Grandma” before he is ready?

His grandfather feels that since he has married Helen it is disrespectful for his grandson to address her this way.

I think that whatever way Aaron feels comfortable calling her should be fine.

Currently, whenever he slips up, his grandfather tells him how disrespectful he is.

I’m afraid of what might happen if he keeps slipping up, and what punishment his grandfather might deliver.

Your opinion?

– Upset Mother

Dear Upset: I agree with you that a 6-year-old child should be gently introduced into a family transition and not punished if he doesn’t quite catch on to the new program. He is six!

The immediate – and probably lasting – consequence of this pressure will be that “Aaron” will most likely choose not to address his new step-grandmother at all, for fear of slipping up.

His grandfather’s harshness will not inspire respect, but timidity, and possibly – fear. Aaron will then choose to avoid these two adults, which is an instinctive and rational reaction to their behavior. And patterns and relationships established in youth have a way of sticking.

These grandparents need to realize that while it is easy to demand respect, commanding respect takes time, patience, and setting a positive example. This grandfather is failing, and when Aaron starts avoiding him, the grandfather will claim not to have the slightest idea why.

Dear Readers: Before I show myself out at the end of June, I’m delighted to make way for your newest advice-giver: R. Eric Thomas, whose “Asking Eric” column will continue to foster the engaging relationship we’ve shared. Eric is young, smart, and a talented advice-giver – formerly of the Dear Prudence column.

You can help Eric get started by sending your questions to eric@askingeric.com.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)